Dear Sky,

If you have a problem with the things I post on my blog stop reading it.

I can't avoid the Facebook posts you make about it unless I block you. Is that what you want?

It's not as if anyone that reads this knows you anyway.

Ass For Christmas

My New Favorite Christmas Video.

Double click to see the large version.



Some of you might have figured out already that this is my boyfriend. Creepy, I know. Neil and Sky have been a songwriting duo for several years. It’s about damn time they made this into a video. I’m very proud. Please feel free to share this with your family for the holidays. Maybe grandma needs to ask Santa for ass as well. You never know.

Why?

Jay asked me (well, everyone) why I blog and then listed a whole bunch of really good reasons so that I wouldn’t have to think too hard. I decided that it’s to avoid paying for therapy. I want to take this moment to thank you all for being a part of my group therapy sessions. I’ve worked through a lot and all you had to do was comment every now and again about nothing in particular. I really feel that I’ve grown as a person and each of you almost have something to do with that. Almost.

I told Sky to go to his own home Friday and got the whole weekend to myself! What did I do alone in my apartment over the weekend? Clean. I feel so much better. Cleanliness is next to happiness is what I always say. Don’t worry, I’ve never said that. I don’t like cleaning things, I just like it to be clean and I can’t afford cleaning people to do it for me. I also realized I have a weird little quirk and I wonder if others have the same thing. If I have been cleaning anything, not organizing but cleaning, I have to take a shower immediately after. It’s not like I actually got dirty in the process but even running the vacuum means I have to take a shower. I might have problems.

I sang during a friends show at a bar last night. It was a last minute thing but very fun. Then a crazy old red headed guy dressed in full Jets attire insisted on walking me home. Normally I would be worried but he was nice and smaller and weaker than me. He proposed to me. How is it that the strangest human being at the bar will always seek me out? I’ve gotten so many proposals from strange old men in my days I can’t even begin to count. What in the hell is that about?

Sending The Message

My lover Sky is an awesome guy. We rule countries together (at Medieval Times in New Jersey) as you can see in the photo above. Don't we look evil? We are. Anyway, I love Sky very much. We have been together for something like a year and change, I think. During this time we have both been unemployed off and on, seriously broke, sick, happy, performing, amazing. He has also been pretty much homeless for a few months in there. It became convenient for him to slowly move his shit into my apartment. Then it was convenient that he was staying there every night. Sooner or later I realized, WTF? You are living with me! I don't remember agreeing to that.

Now you see, I have crazy expensive rent because I live in an awesome neighborhood. It's also the smallest studio apartment you could ever imagine. I posted a video tour of it once. I barely have room for me and my stuff let alone a whole other person. So I never let Sky move his stuff out of his brother's place and storage into my place. Therefore, he doesn't pay any rent. This whole arrangement was fine with me because we both have been having a hard time.

The situation has changed.

Sky's wonderful lovely brother has an apartment in Queens which is about 45 minutes on the subway from me. He has a nice two bedroom with a kitchen and living room. It sounds like a palace! The old roommate ran home to Texas so Sky moved all his stuff in and finally has a real home. I'm thrilled for him. So why isn't he staying there? GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT SKY! I want my own damn space back! I want to put everything back where it belongs. I want to be there watching what I want on TV and listening to my music. I want it to look the same as it did when I left when I come home. I miss living alone! I'm begging you. Go away. Not all the time. Not forever. Just rewind this whole thing about a year and we will be back on track. I'm telling you, I will love you more if you GET OUT.

A Trip To The Diner

I was sitting at the local diner with Sky having a really shitty breakfast at 1pm. The old man next to us has been talking non-stop to the younger woman across the table since the dawn of time. I'm thinking perhaps she is deaf because I can't tell if she is even aware he is still rambling. I'm usually pretty good at blocking out other people but fairly quickly I realized both Sky and myself were totally silent and engrossed in what this man was talking about. He covered an array of topics with intense passion and commitment. You couldn't help eavesdropping. After all, he is only a foot away from me. So he says something about youth and how young people don't talk to their ancestors about history and how they could learn something from it. Possibly stop making the same mistakes. But the kids aren't interested. So I chimed in,

"Well, WE are interested!"

Whoa.

He turned to me and peered at me with his one working eye as it started to tear up and began a beautiful one person conversation that lasted for the next three hours. Oh yes. Three hours.

Turns out the younger woman across the table was his new wife. They just got married last year. He told us all about his abusive parents that raped him as a child and how he was autistic for 34 years and could barley move. He told us a lot about Winnicott whom he obviously adores. He is Jewish but kept saying he didn't believe in a God that could do the things that have happened to so many humans. Then he spoke of the Holocaust and the rape his wife endured in her prior marriage. He spoke of many religions and ideas and countries and people. He spoke of philosophers. He spoke quickly. I couldn't absorb it all.

Okay this is what I'm getting at. I walked into this diner expecting same old same old and ignoring what I assumed was a crazy old man. I ended up having an amazing eye and ear opening experience with enough information to count as an entire college course. Maybe you should consider having a long talk with someone in their eighties or nineties. I bet they could teach you something. Oh, and don't lose the chance to collect the stories of your family history because as my new friend said "when it's gone, it's gone" and lost forever.

Aren't you hungry for diner food now?

Hmmmmm......

My computer is a little bitch and doesn't turn on most of the time. I beat her profusely and still she refuses to obey. Because of her disobedience my life has been hard to chronicle and share with you. As you may know by now, I have little to no memory and forget what I did just an hour ago. That might be an exaggeration but it certainly is hard to keep track of things when you don't have much order to your life. So let's see what you might have missed.... hmmm.....

Last weekend I went camping in the Poconos with some friends. We spent one day White Water Rafting in the freezing rain. It was awesome and miserable. It rained that whole night at the campsite which made our raging campfire smoke even more. I invented the SMOKEBAG to protect my precious eyes. Basically I wore my hooded plastic poncho backwards. Yes, it is hard to breath with plastic covering your face. I was sharing a tent with a really gorgeous chick and her wet dog. As hot as that might sound I can assure you it wasn't. We did giggle like schoolgirls at the sound of our friends getting it on a few tents away. It was like Girl Scouts all over again. Hmmmm....

Last week Sky surprised me by telling me to be at a certain location by 5:30 and when I arrived they informed me he got me an aromatherapy manicure and pedicure. He isn't really the type to do this sort of thing so it really shocked me. How sweet right? Now I must wonder what he did wrong. Hmmmm....

I think I did lots of other things this week but they must have been comparatively insignificant. So what do we have to look forward to in the week to come? Let's check the calendar. Selling more collagen and the annual Pap Smear. Hmmmm...