Catching up with Online Therapy and Baked Sarcasm

I know I haven’t been around much but I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ll just use this as my therapy lounge per usual and throw out thoughts as they come to me.

I auditioned for a show last night. It was my first straight play audition in quite some time. I didn’t realize just how much I missed acting. I really hope I get to be a part of it. I'll let you know how that pans out. Creating a character and working from the actors side of the stage is something that my whole world used to revolve around. How did I get so distracted from something I loved that much?

It’s birthday week. Not my birthday week. Apparently it’s the birthday week of almost everyone I know though.  Okay, only nine close friends, three family members, and four of my eight coworkers.  The extent of my gift giving will probably be the cookies I just sent to my Dad. 

I really love the Bitter Baking Company.  

Here, use this link and get a discount.

In other news, I think I started developing feelings for someone that I shouldn’t. That’s awkward. Don’t worry, I’ll never tell. I won’t tell them and I won’t tell you. I’ll just bottle it up until it goes away… or until I develop feelings even more obscure than these. Oh life, how you suck.

Art & Familial Pride

I’m fairly certain that I am looking at a self-portrait of my brother’s girlfriend’s vagina.

Now you are too.

Don’t worry, it is art. You see, my brother’s girlfriend is an extremely talented artist in Chicago. Apparently she just had an opening at some gallery and several of her amazing pieces are on display. Since her pieces are beautiful paintings of vaginas, technically her naughty bits are on display. You wouldn’t assume that is what you are looking at but I get the inside scoop from my brother.  So today when I noticed he changed his Facebook profile picture to a painting I realized…. that’s a vagina.

They sell for quite a bit of money. We considered trying to purchase a small painting as a Christmas gift to go with the bacon lube we gave our grandmother. Unfortunately it was too expensive.  I’ll just buy her a mirror and tell her to look at her own. Is that inappropriate? Have I gone too far? Yes. Yes I have.

In other news, my mother was voted Queen Groundhog by her Rotary Club. This amazing picture of people dressing her up with teeth and fur made one of the local newspapers. 

Everyone harassed her that entire day. I’m so proud!

Grandma Knight

Grandma Knight passed away in the early hours of last Saturday morning. She had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital on Christmas day. I feel lucky that I was in my hometown at the time and able to visit her in the hospital before and after her angiogram. On my last visit before heading back to New York I thought she seemed just as lovely and ornery as ever so I wasn’t worried. We had the chance to say I love you one last time.

They held her funeral this morning. I feel terribly guilty that I’m not able to be there to support my family and pay my respects. My mom called me a half hour ago to tell me how great her hair looked with pearl combs just as she would have wanted. She was known for her hair and very proud of it. Mom told me how well everything went and that my dad and grandfather seem to be doing well. My poor father happened to be witness to the heart attack at the nursing home on Friday night that eventually led to her passing. He had to make the decisions. That must have been so awful for him.

My Grandfather is 93 years old. He was a WWII pilot that was shot out of the sky and became a POW. Somehow he lived to be the strongest 93 year old I’ve ever seen. Watching him at the hospital after my grandmother’s angiogram was one of the most heartbreaking moments I have ever witnessed. He told me he stayed up the entire night prior rubbing her back and trying to ease the pain. He couldn’t stand to see her like that. It was pure dedication and love for a person you spent the last 64 years by the side of.

So I sit here at work thinking about my family all together talking about my grandmother and how wonderful she was to all of us. I’m lucky to have such a fantastic and loving family. Sure some of them are crazy but so am I. It’s still in a loving way. Grandma was so supportive of every one of her six grandkids. We were all busy with various activities. All the boys participated at every sport available to them. I was the little singer in the family and grandma swears I got that from her. They were not only at every game/ performance/ recital possible but they also took us to practice whenever needed. I remember when I was little they lived in a house very near ours. We were dropped off before school and every morning she would make us coco with marshmallows and peanut butter toast. They were drowning in pictures of all of us. Grandma was convinced that every last one of her offspring was gorgeous. We are by the way ;)  Just like her.

I have no idea how old I was but at some point when I was still very young I had a raspberry colored pea coat. From then on I was her Raspberry Princess. Nicknames stuck for a lifetime with that side of my family. Don’t you dare call me that though. Only Grandma Knight had that privilege.

Last year for my mother’s 49^th birthday my Grandmother on my mom’s side of the family decided to throw her a party and as entertainment flew me in to sing for a few hours. I know it was partly because she didn’t think my other grandparents would have many other chances to ever hear me again. I have to remember to thank her again for that. I know it meant a lot to them because my Grandma was so proud of me and I felt so guilty for never recording something to send her. 

I wish I could be with them.

I’m thinking of you Grandma. Thank you for everything.

I'm Baaaaaaack

Hola!
Buenos Dias.

I'm tan and happy and had an awesome vacation full of free drinks at the swim up bar. The water was perfect and so was the company. I drunkenly sang at a couple of places with bands that didn't speak English. It was amazing. You should have been there.

I want to thank my mother for making me go on this vacation as well as buying me the bathing suite in the photo above. She also was kind enough to humor me and take some photos of me in the water so I could post them here for all of you. I personally think this action shot is hilarious.

She also took this gorgeous shot of the sunset.

It was odd sharing a room with my mother and brother when I'm used to living alone. We worked it out though. See, my brother loves me.

This photo of us is particularly hilarious because if you knew us you would know we aren't a touchy family. We don't hug or get near each other. Obviously this happened after a day of serious cocktail imbibing and I'm violently grabbing and shoving his face toward the camera. He never smiles. Actually, we made friends with that guy in the background and he told us that their group knew my brother as "The Angry Smoker" because he always looks pissed. Adorable, isn't it?

Some lovely person in our group talked us into taking a family picture and shockingly I think it turned out well. I'm betting this will be framed next time I visit the hometown.

The absolute craziest part about this vacation is that when I got home and got on the scale I found out I actually LOST weight while I was eating fatty buffet food all week. How in the hell did that happen? I guess Jet Skiing and that five minutes of water aerobics really worked out.

So as you can probably tell, I had an okay time. My mood has drastically improved. I did a lot of soul searching that made me realize I've got options and I'm a lucky girl.

Adios Muchachos!

It’s 2011 Bitches!

I’m supposed to make some sort of list of ways to better my life or something, right? Why don’t I just compare it to prior years and see if I’m doing better or worse.

I thought I would look back through my little ol’ blog here and see if I made resolutions in the past. It seems I was too depressed to blog around this time last year but I did have a little something for 2009. Let’s take a gander.

My resolutions for 2009 (to be promptly forgotten by 1:05 am) are the following:
1) Find work in life that makes me happy.

2) Stop having seizures...somehow.

3) Replace the lack of drinking with even more sex. (Casey, this is your job. Oh, and apologies to any of Casey's family members that read this and may be traumatized.)

4) Meet a blogger. Anyone want to help me out with this one?

5) Continue having a wonderful life full of great family, friends, and bloggers that brighten it up.


Where the 2009 resolutions stand in 2011:
1) I have a temp job that I kind of like. I don’t fantasize about stabbing people nearly as much as I used to.

2) This seizure thing is not getting better. I just had one the morning of Dec 31st and I had to get on a plane back to New York that afternoon. I certainly didn’t party hard bringing in 2011 that night. I felt bad for my father who had never been around for one before. I know I don’t look or act like myself afterwards and I think I scared him when I wandered into his room and asked for help.

3) Why was there a lack of drinking in 09? What was I thinking? I’m indulging in both acts now although Casey isn’t involved. It seems sleeping with your ex when you are both dating new people would be frowned upon. I looked it up.

4) I met a blogger! It was only about a month ago that I met my first blog friend. Ben is an awesome (and hot) guy. He just moved to the area so hopefully I will be seeing more of him.

5) I failed at the blogger part last year but I’m back on track this year. CHECK.

Should I add some?

1) Continue working on my overall health. That seems like a good, vague choice. That can mean working out while eating sensible food and not doing massive amounts of drugs that will give me diseases and kill me. I’ll try that.
Eh, one is good enough.

Oh, take more nude photos. That will go on the list just as soon as I start taking better care of myself.

Happy New Year Skanks!

Monkeys and Goobers - Probably NSFW

You think your family is strange? Arguing and getting drunk is just the normal family way of saying I tolerate you for the holidays. That doesn’t make your family crazy. I’m going to be realistic. I don’t think my family is crazy. I think they are gross.

I spent the holidays with my family hearing stories about monkeys and goobers. Sound silly? Well maybe it is. Here is a story example: Apparently sometime recently my ten year old cousin was playing a game of Would You Rather with my mom, grandmother, and aunt. This is just a fun little car game to pass the time and keep the kid occupied. So the question comes up “Would you rather kiss a monkey or….” Nobody can quite remember the end of it because my grandmother and aunt get so “tickled” they can’t stop laughing. You see, my grandmother is from Alabama and when she was growing up they used different words for things they didn’t want to say. She then used some of those same words when raising her own children. So basically my ten year old cousin asked my mother “Would you rather kiss a vagina or……” and that is all they remember. Monkeys have such soft lips. So we went on talking about monkeys and their male counterpart “goobers” for a while. My mother mentioned the horror she felt of people saying they hacked up a goober from their throat.

Well anyway, then my grandmother is trying to tell me and my mother that bathing is better for your monkey as opposed to showering. Some hundred year old doctor told my grandmother that bathing is better for “cleaning her out”. I’m sorry but if your monkey is sucking up water like a straw, something is wrong. I mean, it might be a cool party trick but grandma doesn’t have the aim she used to.

I apologize. That was disturbing. Sharing with you all has become my therapy so you will have to experience the pain too. There were many other stories along these lines including my grandmother asking very seriously as I put on my bra if I got a boob job. (Side note: Why does everyone ask this? I mean, if I were spending money on my chest I would have gone MUCH bigger.) Oh, I was sharing a hotel room with mom and grandma. That is why my grandmother was witnessing me put on my bra. She then became abusively insistent that my mom needs an “Oprah Bra”. WTF is an “Oprah Bra?” If grandma said it I probably don’t need to know. She also mentioned at random that my now dead grandfather “ripped her crack”. AGH! Holy Broken Butt Cheeks Grandma! Keep those sexy tidbits to yourself!

Perhaps I should stop now. I have so much more to share but I won’t do that to you ya little goobers. Just remember this holiday season that it’s important to share and reminisce with your family. Get personal. Really get to know the ones you love. A disturbed and perverted family is a happy family. I love them all. Bottoms Up!

2:30 AM

It's time for another (or maybe it's the first) late night stream of conscious post.

This is coming at you after only one glass of Voignier (a white wine) which means I am sober even if this entire entry is confusing and pointless.

First of all I would like to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes and whatnot. I heart you all for your continued support even though I rarely post these days. Unemployment is such a bitch.

Speaking of the whole lack of job thing, I have some sort of meeting at 10:30am tomorrow but the letter I got in the mail saying I had to go or I would lose unemployment benefits didn't say what the meeting was for or about. Is it sad that my biggest concern is what to wear? I highly doubt the government is going to give me much help in finding a job. I do think I might be getting some idea of what I would like to that works with my skill set. That is the benefit of constantly job hunting as your day job. I'll stop talking about it before I get depressing.

I'm watching a Roseanne marathon on TV Land right now. It's so strange to me how much I like this show. I think it's because the way Roseanne talks (with constant sarcasm) reminds me of my mom. Honestly it reminds me a bit of myself as well. My mother was visiting me last week. I always enjoy when she is here. It's disturbing to say but either I'm rapidly turning into her or we are turning into each other. I think it's the latter.

There is some sort of note chain on Facebook that basically all my friends keep tagging me on. It's the first one I ever wanted to do myself but I decided I would rather put it here. Now hang on while I go look up the exact wording .....

Okay, here we go.

15 Books

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham
2. 1984 - George Orwell
3. Night - Elie Wiesel
4. Dry - Augusten Burroughs
5. Zorba The Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis
6. Without Feathers - Woody Allen
7. The Stand - Stephen King
8. Rat Pack Confidential - Shawn Levy
9. Where The Sidewalk Ends - Shel Silverstein
10. The Stranger - Albert Camus
11. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
12. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
13. The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
14. Foundations of Psychopathology - John C. Nemiah, M.D.
15. Inferno - Dante Alighieri

I tried to be quick and pick a variety of books I know have affected me in some way and I know will always stay with me. At least parts of them. I do have a horrible memory after all. Right now I am reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand and I've only just bitten into the first hundred pages of seven hundred and something. I have a feeling it would be on this list if I had already finished it. Anyone want to recommend anything? I love recommendations.


I burned my hand with the iron today. It looks all shiny and cool. I don't think it will leave a scar. Damn. Off to New Jersey this weekend with the girls. I don't really have a group I call "the girls" so nobody in my life should know what that means. Hell, I could be talking about my boobs. But I'm not. A few of us were going to stay in a house by the beach but it won't stop raining so I guess it will be lots of bowling in another state. Whoo hoo. Toss me a beer.

TWENTY SIX

Happy Birthday to ME. Happy Birthday to ME. I somehow survived for 26 yea-rs. Happy Birthday to ME. Gee it feels good to spend the first moments of my birthday blogging. Yes, that is a lie. I don't know why in the hell I'm even home right now. I should have gone to Brooklyn to watch an old friend's jazz trio play but for some reason I can't get myself out of my apartment tonight.

My birthday party was in Central Park Sunday. A lot of friends came out and we had a good time prancing about the park for a few hours. It was lovely weather until that random set of clouds rolled in and rained for fifteen minutes. That was odd. Then it went right back to being beautiful. My favorite picture of the day is from my sad attempt to do a hand stand. Awesomeness.

We rocked it on out we did.

My dad sent me an e-card for my birthday. He is the best.



Ha ha ha. I guess he would know. He was there.

The Holidays - A Break?

The Holidays are so damn busy. I went to visit the family in my hometown for six days and I feel like I was there for only three. Too bad it doesn't go by that quickly when I'm at work.

I flew out on Tuesday and was lucky enough to be on the only flight that wasn't canceled that day. My luggage wasn't as lucky but it only took an extra day to get it. Oh well. On Christmas eve my Mother's side of the family meets at my Grandmother's house where we eat a meal of Mexican food and take a twenty minute break to open gifts. I somehow got out of the clean up crew this year because I was busy upstairs wrapping the gifts for my parents. It isn't that difficult because there are only ten of us so I don't feel bad. I think we were out of there by eight.

Christmas morning is the best. It's just me, my parents, and my brother. Mom didn't feel like pulling the fake tree out of the attic this year which is fine with us. After we moved away she bought a very modern fake tree and she leaves all the decorations on, throws a big bag over it, and stores it that way. We don't really care if there is a tree or not as long as we have champagne. We drink mimosas and eat quiche while opening gifts and this year Cold Case Files was on TV. That gives the room ambiance while we thank each other for whatever we got.

I got some really fantastic gifts. One of which was a photo shoot with Teresa at Wiz of Oz Photography. I never got out of the dress up stage of life so this was the most fun I could imagine having. I told Teresa I was up for whatever since I didn't have any intention of using the photos for something specific. She put me in this black dress she found at Goodwill and the next thing I know I have a new header for my blog! I have seen about four of the photos so far and will get the rest in a couple months. Here is one of my favorites.


Later Christmas day we usually celebrate with my Dad's side of the family but all my cousins got married and started having babies so it is harder to get together. We went to visit my grandparents and saw a few relatives. My aunt's cooky boyfriend never even came into the house to say hello to anyone. He hid outside. We were not offended or anything but it was pretty funny. Christmas night we always spent tearing down all the decorations during my childhood. Since there weren't any this year we just cooked a huge meal. That was a pleasant change. While the rest of my family tried to digest and started passing out, I went out with an old friend for a drink. This was the only time I bothered to do that this year. The longer I'm gone the more I lose touch.

Friday night we went to a dueling piano bar. It was fun but the guys playing sort of sucked. Saturday my grandmother helped me put black streaks in my hair. She is a good sport. That evening we had dinner with her and her boyfriend.

My flight to Chicago was canceled due to Mechanical problems and they told me I couldn't get on another one until Tuesday. That isn't okay. I had to wake my brother up (he only had three hours of sleep) and ask him to drive me to Chicago right away. He lives in Chicago so this isn't that big of a deal. He just wasn't planning to leave for another five or six hours. Luckily I made a flight out of Chicago and was able to get home sweet home last night.

That brings us to date. Next I will tell you about my new nephew.

Have I mentioned I have a sibling?

Yesterday my brother turned 24. He is 16 months my junior. Since I was a June baby that put him two grades behind me in school but even so, I never really thought of him as younger than me. Not that I remember anyway. My family will tell you I used to boss him around and make him sit down so I could tie his shoes. They also tell a story about a slightly bigger kid pushing me around and my toddler brother running up and tackling him.

We were never much of an affectionate family but for fun my brother and I would wrestle during commercial breaks. It wasn’t as much play as actual pain. This was fun in the few years that I was bigger than him but that passed quickly and I was begging for mercy most of the time.
Other than sarcasm we did not have similar interests. He was spending his summers in baseball tournaments while I was performing Oklahoma or (insert hokey old time musical) at the closest community theater. We didn’t like the others friends. Actually, I usually didn’t much like my friends so I really can’t blame him. He was far more laid back than I was.

I drove him to school until he got his license. One time after school I didn’t stop at the end of an alleyway and my sports car was totaled on the passenger side by a van. My brother was pulling glass out of his head for days. I could have killed him. I still feel horrible about it.

When I graduated I moved to New York and he made a trip at least once a year to visit. Not so much me as the city. When he graduated he went to college in Wisconsin. It’s really f’ing cold there. Now he is an engineer and working in Chicago. He has always been a lot smarter than me. There was no chance in hell I was going to be an engineer when I had trouble with Algebra. It appeared he never had trouble with anything. What the hell?

Anyway, I don’t see a whole lot of my brother because we are busy people and don’t live very close but we have a good relationship even if we don’t bother talking for six months. I forgot to call him yesterday to wish him a happy birthday. I should probably do that now. Or just forward this link.

Happy Birthday Bro!

Six Degrees of Flashing Bacon

I know, I've been hiding. I have too much to do. Work is crazy. Life is busy. No time to blog. I'll just give you an update.

Packages:
I got a really great package in the mail from Gary and I made a vlog but it is horrible. I will have to redo the whole thing and post pictures of the very cool vase he made for me. Check out his site.

I also got two other exciting packages. One was my bi-annual wine club shipment of 6 delicious bottles. I wish I could try them all at once. The other was a surprise gift from my mother. She sent me new black sheets monogrammed! I love my initials. I would put them on everything if I could. I already have them permanently inked into my ankle. She also sent a very cool picnic tote that I can hide beer and wine in to keep it cool while illegally drinking in Central Park. Thanks Mom!

Celeb Encounters:
Friday night on my way home from CVS I had an odd encounter. I was wearing a tube top that was kind of falling off. About half of my bra was showing and I was standing in public. As I adjusted I noticed a man eying me. He looked familiar. Turns out it was Kevin Bacon. My six degrees of separation? Kevin knows my bra. Nice.

Last night I was hanging out with some lovely ladies in Park Slope. One of them was talking about being in love with Adam Sandberg of SNL. She had been on the Subway with him earlier that day and decided he was just as gorgeous in person. After telling the story we notice a man standing behind us. Is that? Why yes it is! It is the PC guy from the Mac commercials. Interesting.

Babies:
The woman who sits only feet away from me is finally out on maternity leave. She was huge and I was terrified her water would break in the office. That would freak me out. A lot. I have never seen our carpets cleaned. I mean.... Yikes.

My cousin's wife just gave birth to their second child last week. They named the girl Bella Buell. I'm not so sure the name was the best idea but that lucky kid is going to be spoiled beyond imagination by my aunt.

On the other side of the family I have a pregnant cousin that just announced they will name their baby Milley (Me Lee). I guess it's Irish? Picking names must be very difficult.

The Week Ahead:
I had rehearsal yesterday and more of that tonight after work. For some reason the rest of the week is a blur. I can't remember if I have plans. If I have made plans with you this week please remind me. Thanks.

Later Bitches.

Checking In - Update

I don't really have time to do this right now but I'm giving an update anyway.

1) I updated my blogroll. If you are not on it I either A) Deleted you because you never post anything or B) Never added you because I forgot you existed. If any of you are terribly offended I omitted you from my Brilliance list just let me know and I will assess the situation.

2) My cousin was in town for the weekend. The family thought sending her to me for proper corruption the weekend before she leaves for college was a good idea. It was great. She met my friend who has a brand new job as a porn reviewer. A little person performed to Billie Jean in the Subway. She was able to watch my ugly neighbor shower not once but twice. As a welcome to New York memento she was given a cigarette burn by a hobo. It was all very memorable I'm sure.

3) I have a show Wednesday. You should come see it. Until all that is over I probably won't be back. Later Suckers.

Busy = Screwed

Sooooooo tired! I accomplished nothing this weekend and now I'm screwed. I can barely keep my head up at work. I want to crawl under my desk and take a nap. Oh how wonderful a nap would be.

I still need to find a dress for my show so that was the plan after work today. Find dress then go home and sleep. I was in the office for all of one hour when I was reminded that tonight is drinks with the work peeps as a farewell to my friend Brian who suddenly regained consciousness and resigned to pursue real interests. I can't miss this outing. I can't drink either. I especially can't drink when I'm tired because that is begging for trouble in my case. Health trouble I mean. Not naughty trouble. Perverts.

I leave work at six which commits me to a few hours out with the peeps. I will get home in time to accomplish nothing but going over music. I have rehearsal with a pianist tomorrow night. Maybe I can pull off quick shopping after that? I don't know. Wednesday I HAVE to do laundry. My building has this inconvenient little rule where the laundry room is only open while I'm at work. I only have a few hours after and I'm usually not home in time. Bitches!

My beautiful and awesome eighteen year old cousin will be in town this Friday night until Monday morning. I'm looking forward to seeing her but I'm in a panic. My show is next Wednesday and I need to get shit together. I have to be cool New York cousin that shows her how awesome this city is when more than likely I'll be hyperventilating in my apartment trying to memorize songs. That will be fun!

Can you tell I'm freaking out? I can't decide which is worse; Looking at your calendar and realizing life is so hectic you could throw up or looking at your calendar and realizing there is nothing to look forward to. I'm going to go with throwing up as the better option.

Blame My Bloodline

Long time readers and actual friends of mine may or may not have noticed that I'm a little odd. I blame my family.

My dad has been sending me links to a lot of videos this past week. Some how I inherited his very odd sense of humor. It says a lot about how I turned out this way. The two I received yesterday were:

Almost learn about the history of one of Washington's favorite slaves from a really drunk chick.

and

Awesome performance done by a guy that will "Never Get Ahead". The backup dancers are the best part.

That was my dad's contribution to my life in the last couple of days. My mother is out of town so I assume he hasn't put on pants and is drinking wine out of the bottle while he surfs the net and watches the Independent Film channel. My dad rocks.

My mom took my grandmother to see a show in Chicago for her birthday this weekend. My aunt flew in and my brother lives in Chicago so they are all having a big party without me. I called yesterday to wish my grandma a happy birthday and see what I was missing out on. It sounded like they were having a good time. They were drinking by 11am so I'm sure it was an interesting day. Around 10pm Chicago time I got a picture text from my mom. I thought it might be of my brother's dog or someone drinking something. Instead to my complete and utter shock I opened a photo of my grandmother ................topless! How much did they drink? Of course I immediately call my mom to ask why she would do such a cruel thing. She is cracking up when she answers the phone and honestly, so am I. I can hear grandma in the background, "I'm so damn tired I don't care if she posts it up at work."
So I did.
No, I didn't. That would be mean. I have to say though, she has nice boobs for a 74 year old. I'm glad I'm in that bloodline. *Sigh* I hate missing out on a good party. Happy birthday Grandma!

So as you can see, I'm crazy because my family made me that way.

First WWC

After months and months of meaning to participate I have finally decided to join in on the Weekly Word Challenge hosted by Tink of Pickled Beef. This weeks words are Foreign and Domestic.

This is my domestic wine from upstate NY with my Domestic view from my apt.


These are my foreign language refrigerator instructions. I went with the curve and a slight blur to reflect how I can only sort of read and understand them.

That was fun.

I was on the phone with my mother yesterday. She is the only person in the family that has made any sort of effort to understand our lineage. She did this for her side of the family and my father's. I'm very thankful to her for this because everyone in the family seems to be very confused about where we came from. So yesterday because of St. Patrick's Day I asked my mom, "I am a little bit Irish right?" She has concluded from her research that my brother and I are 5/8ths German, 1/8th Irish, 1/8th Scottish, and 1/8th English. There is probably more in smaller fractions. No wonder we don't really associate with anything in particular. It sounds like our ancestors just ran about breeding with whomever they pleased. I can respect that.

Good News All Around

Last night I found out my boyfriend can cook. He made an amazing meal that had us so packed full of food we had to take a break and lie down. It was that good. I went over to his apartment to find that he had set up a table for two with a candle and everything. He rocked Valentine's day this year. It was full of leather gifting and Pulp Fiction. Sweet. I'm one lucky chick.

I found out my cousin proposed to his girlfriend yesterday. After hearing about her for a long time I finally met her last Christmas and I thought she was great. I'm glad she will be family.
A cousin from the other side of the family found out his wife is pregnant again. That's one hell of a Valentine's gift. Look honey, I made you a baby! I'm very happy for them.

I'm going to the Bahamas in June! That means I only have three months to shop for bikinis. Too bad you can't get leather wet.

My Imaginary Friend

When I was a little tiny thing, small enough to fit in the kitchen sink, I had an imaginary friend. I don't know where this friend came from, how long he was around, or what he and I did together but according to my family I spoke of him often. I wonder if this made my little brother jealous. Knowing my brother, probably not. The only thing I do remember is one day when my grandmother was washing my hair she asked where Sobo was. Yep, my friend's name was Sobo. I'm very creative. Anyway, I recall looking around and not seeing him so I said "He's gone." That's it. My entire memory consists of that brief moment of looking around for an imaginary friend that looks just like my brother and not seeing him so he must be gone. To this day my grandmother believes that imaginary friend is my spirit guide and still with me every step through life. A spirit guide is sort of a guardian angel. The more I think about the situation I think maybe I was looking for my brother and Sobo was my nickname for him. Maybe I never had an imaginary friend. I just talked to my brother whether or not he was there. OR maybe it's the Demon (see labels) I spoke of in previous posts! Whoa, I think I might be on to something. Maybe I've just been a loon since birth.

Dr. McIncest

I know this is very childish but I can't help myself. Today I ran across an article about one of the new stars on Grey's Anatomy and her, um, interesting career launch. I don't watch this show anymore but even if you have no interest in the series you might find this video humorous.



That's acting! Or, maybe it's not. Oh, the things we do for our art.

Where I be From....

I already made my Labor Day plans. I have decided to visit my hometown. *Gasp* I know. This marks the first time I will have visited The Quad Cities without being told to by my mother. To add to the excitement, I'm bringing Casey. This should be interesting because although my mother has met a few of the people I have dated she probably never thought she would see them again and the rest of my family has not met anyone ever (that I can recall) and I am pretty sure they never expected to. Okay, I'm really just talking about my dad here.

Anyway, I'm a little confused because I have not lived in my hometown for almost 6 years. I was 18 when I left and I don't really know the life there anymore. I also didn't keep in much contact with any old friends that are still in the area. Casey, however, lived in the QC last summer and one of his best friends lives there. He might be entertaining me in my hometown. WTF? Honestly I'm a little excited. This has got to be amusing.

So I felt like in honor of these new plans I would share a little bit of info about where I grew up. When I say I'm from The Quad Cities (there are 5 cities) nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about. Especially when I say more specifically Moline, IL. So basically I grew up by the Mississippi boarder between Illinois and Iowa. It's the only place where the Mississippi River runs East - West instead of North - South. In all, the Quad cities has a population of about 400,000 people. Not all that small. Moline is home of the John Deere Tractor. I went to John Deere middle school but I I couldn't tell you crap about a tractor and I don't think I have ever been on one.

People ask me such odd things like:
Did you grow up on a farm?
How much land do your parents have?
Did you have any animals?

If you have ever spent more than 10 minutes with me you will find that I couldn't have possibly grown up on a farm. I'm terrified of animals. I know nothing about farm life in the least bit. My parents have a yard on a hill with trees. Do you refer to that as land? I don't have the good, wholesome, loving nature that you usually see from girls that grew up on a farm. I'm evil remember?

Brainwashing

I've become obsessed with this site and reading all the links. Maybe I'll learn some techniques. Mwah ha ha!


You have all begun your journey into Cult Carly. Please remove your shoes and pants at the door.