Is This Really My Life?

Since this blog is my therapy outlet it appears I have turned it into a recap of what I do with my life. Well, that isn’t stopping now. So let’s talk about my weekend. Actually, let me talk. You just sit there and read with an uncomfortable look on your face.

Friday night I was hanging out with the gorgeous and ridiculously talented Benji. I plied him with wine and delicious bloody marys. He drew this amazing picture of me within about a minute and said it was just practice. What he drew in seconds I couldn’t accomplish in….ever. I would post it but that would be weird. Then we went out on the town and talked about our different kissing methods. (Yep Ben, I just announced that on my blog ;) So, yeah that was the highlight of my weekend.

It was all downhill from there.

Saturday I went to rehearsal with the terrible cover band. Apparently my “friend” succeeded in kicking out the bass player because a guy I had never seen before walked in the door and started playing with us. That’s too bad. The original bass was a nice guy. Then afterwards I went to my Cheers bar where I discovered that this same “friend” has been trash talking me for months to anyone that will listen. He was upset when he found out I was dating the bartender so he has basically been making up stories and making me look like a whore. Thanks a lot asshole. You just wait and see the kind of wrath I’m capable of. He’ll get his I assure you.

Speaking of assholes…..

Saturday night I was supposed to hang out with Sky which would be the first time we hung out just the two of us out on the town since the breakup. He bailed on me. I got a headache (probably from the wrath) and went to sleep ridiculously early. Sunday I woke up, did some work, and went roller skating. Sky wanted to see the new Woody Allen movie so we made plans. We met at the bar and everything was going fine. We got on the subway and irrational anger started pouring out of both of us. It turned into a loud F&% YOU fight on the platform. It was humiliating. He blames everything on me and I know he expects me to apologize. I disagree. So we aren’t speaking.

Then I drowned myself in tears and liquor which is a very sexy look on any devastated girl. It screams “I’m an easy target!” Luckily I survived and woke up today still shaken up but ready for a hungover day at the office.

How was your weekend?

When did I get old?

I have friends from many walks of life. Different ages, races, religions, and species make up my facebook friend page. Even with this being the case I've come to realize that the majority of my close friends are older than me. Why? Recently I keep finding myself in situations with friends of friends that are in their early twenties. I was trying to figure out why I usually like the people but they can quickly get on my nerves. Am I just a crotchety, cranky old person? Am I ageist? Does their youth offend me? Now that I'm so aware of it I'm sure people must feel this way about me as well. It makes me overly conscious of the level of maturity I'm projecting even while hanging out at the bar. How can this be when I'm still young?

Last night I was out with, well, a bunch of people throughout the course of the night. Earlier on and up until about 1am I was with some of my favorite people alive. I probably drank a little too much vodka and whisky at the drag show before moving on the the late night group but that can't be the whole reason I'm cranky and old. I met up with a person that is becoming a good friend and two younger girls that I don't know very well but usually enjoy. I had a very good time when the numbers were low. We played a little pool and danced a bit. Then we went to an all night cafe where another two young girls (friends of our friends) worked and suddenly I was annoyed. Too much youth. Annoying conversation. I got bitchy. At the time I didn't think it was an age thing. I just thought everyone was obnoxious. It was later when I was trying to explain my discomfort to my boyfriend that he pointed out I'm older than them and therefore, don't enjoy the same "fun" things. I still don't know what that comment means. So basically this is the first time in my life where I was told to my face that I'm not young anymore. It sucked. I have found a way to deal with it though! I have decided to get rid of all people in my life that know and associate with people younger than me. That way I am eternally youthful and never have to worry about this again. I think this also means I have to get rid of my boyfriend. He shouldn't have called me old.

Okay, I won't be that extreme but thanks for letting me vent.

Insomnia & Delirium

Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Must sing and dance and write. Check e-mail every five minutes. Check other e-mail every ten minutes. What should I do? My mind is racing and I can't focus on one thing. I bought a book today. Once I finish a paragraph I have to go back and read it again because I can't stay focused long enough to retain the information.

I have tried writing several different posts and half way through I forgot what the point was or where I was going. I should have just posted several half finished ideas and waited for someone to react. My guess is that a lovely reader would directly say, What the hell is wrong with you? I would appreciate that.

I need a piano.

Or medication.

They are putting on a production of the musical Hair in Central Park right now. I HAVE to see it. One of my dreams in life is to perform in that show. Nude scene and all. I love everything about it. I have a phone alarm that goes off at the same time every night playing the song "I've Got Life" with Nina Simone singing. Every time Casey hears it he makes up the words. Not to be funny. He really doesn't know them. Anyway we both want to see the show but you can't buy tickets. The tickets are free. You just have to stand in line all day. Who has that kind of time? Turns out they recently created a virtual line. You put your name in like a lottery and then find out by 1pm the day of the show if you got them. I hope, hope, hope I'm in the park watching an amazing show tomorrow night. Cross your fingers for me. Or, do something actually productive. Whatever.

UPDATE: I did not receive free tickets in the lottery so I was pretty bummed but then, low and behold Casey calls and he GOT THEM! I can't wait!!!

Neglect and continued Manic speak

I love this city to an extent that is unnatural and I know many people feel the same way. We came here because we knew we had to. It's a beautiful siren calling to us from wherever we were and we knew we had no choice. Not everyone can understand that but I know some of you do. odle. NYC is a place where anything you are looking for is available to you. Set your mind to a new idea and it's all right there waiting for you to find it. The thought of how expansive this is I can not put into words because I would ramble for hours and that is cruel. Anyway, the point I'm trying to get to is that I've been neglecting my city. I don't take advantage of the opportunities anymore. I have not been introducing myself to new places, scenes, and people like I used to. I'm getting lazy. I'm too young to be lazy and wasting my time. So, that is going to change starting tonight. If anybody else want to come along for the ride you just let me know. We have to do it now before the famed city burnout happens and we no longer find it exciting. Then we will all move to different parts of the nation where we never see each other. It's inevitable because none of us are actually crazy. We just like being exposed to it. Unless, of course, I get rich and have two homes. Then one will be in New York. Don't laugh. It could happen in New York!