Another Day in the Knight Life

Saturday was a fun day. I woke up in my closet of an apartment at 8am and prepared for a day I knew just might kill me. I packed my outfits and props for the day. (That makes me sound like an escort but alas it wasn’t that kind of day.) I took a couple chugs of leftover bloody mary in a jug. Then I headed for the M60 Bus that carries me through Manhattan and over to Queens.

In Queens I met up with the director of the show I’ve been assistant directing for the past couple of months. We talked about her cats. Then we prepared for our preview showing of The Trojan Women which was held outside in the rain at the Beer Garden. We watched as our darling actors sat out in that miserable weather protected by the burlap burkas. Poor babies. Then we ate kielbasa while chugging beer for a few hours.

When that fun was over four of us took the props and trash back to cat lady director’s house where I styled her fire red hair into a hot 40’s look. We drank screwdrivers and talked about… cats. Oh, and my engagement to one of them. (I only do it to make the other jealous.) Did I mention that we are four of the hottest females ever? Well, the three of them are at least. It’s ridiculous. I would show you pictures but I don’t have consent. Seriously hot AND all of us are single.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, so I changed into a hot black dress and ran off to my friend’s birthday dinner in Hell’s Kitchen. I’m an idiot so I was late. Then we went to a gay bar we have frequented way too much over the years. I think that is what we did. I’m a little fuzzy at this point. They agreed to come with me to another bar even further downtown to watch the premier of the web series I have a cameo in. So we got in a cab.

We are now in a bar that I used to work near so I say hello to all my buddies that are working and proceed to the back room where they are about to screen the first three episodes of WHITE LIARS. Only episode one is live. They are coming out every other Monday and I’m in three so watch for it! I have to admit, episode three is the best and not just because I’m giving someone a lap dance in it.

EPISODE ONE


After the screening I think I got in a biting fight with someone because my arms are all bruised. I was just being playful. Then a friend of mine got a little too drunk and when some asshole called him a “fat f&$#” he decided to discuss the matter further outside. I thought this was embarrassing because the drunken ass who said the wrong thing was now surrounded by all my guy friends including the manager telling him he needed to leave immediately. I really hope this doesn’t become a theme in my life. The bar fight was only interesting once.

It probably isn’t too surprising that I didn’t feel fantastic on Sunday morning. All in a day though. All in a day.

I've Got Your Answers - Part 1

First of all, thank you for your questions. I'm so happy I have amusing readers that can make my day and blog so much better. Now I have all kinds of shit to write about! I was going to go in order of comments received which would make Gary up first. Then I wrote the answer which (was more like a novel) during my lunch break and saved it to my work e-mail. Oops. Guess I will be posting that one on Monday. Alright, let's get started.

Furiousball asks:
what's the fastest land animal on earth?

Dear Furiousball,

That is one sexy animal. I love big cats. Rawr.


Micky-T asks:
If you lived in a house, would you own a pet?

Dear Micky-T,
How big is this house? Can I have a Cheetah? I don't think I would. I have a hard time taking care of my plant Al. It's a lot of responsibility and animals in general seem to hate me. They can sense my fear and they take advantage of it. Evil animals. When I was young we had a newt named Newt. I do like reptiles quite a bit. I just don't like feeding live animals to things. We also had a calico cat named C.C. and a cocker spaniel named Sweetness. I loved our animals but I don't think I am currently capable of taking care of one. For now I will just enjoy visiting Casey's cat Clementine. She hates me too.

Jay asks:
When did you decide that you wanted to move from the Midwest to New York? Did you always want to move there? And how did you move to NY? Just you just up and move? Or did you have a plan? And what's it like being so damn sexy? ;-)

Dear Jay,
I don't remember when it was that I decided I needed to be in New York. It always just seemed like the obvious thing to do but I don't remember why. I thought this at a fairly young age. When I was thinking about college I applied to an acting school in Manhattan and when I got my acceptance letter it was a done deal. I had never even been to the city until four months before I moved here. I was 18 when I moved into student housing on the Upper West Side. I didn't know a single person in this entire region. I didn't come out alone though. My mom flew out with me for the first couple days while I started school orientation and the whole thing was pretty easy to be honest. It felt natural. Like there was nowhere else I could possibly belong.

As for being so damn sexy, what are you asking me for? You have all the answers ;)

GMEyster asks:
What really terrifies you?

Dear GMEyster,
I could take the easy road and say rodents and birds. I have an irrational fear of both. It's embarrassing. Seriously though? I've been honest to Jeebus terrified of people lately. With the election, Prop 8, and everything else, I have heard so many hateful comments from all sides. It really scares me. If I lose all faith in people I won't have a lot left. That terrifies me too. Not having anyone. I spend a lot of time alone but I often wonder what would happen if I no longer had the people I care about to go to.

Oh geez... that is not a cheery note to end on. I meant babies. Babies scare me. They leak a lot and are too fragile. They have those scary glossy eyes all love filled and that horrid cooing sound. Eww! Yeah, babies are the most terrifying thing ever.

To be continued...

Transit Bugs

On my morning subway commute we were packed slightly more sardine style than usual. I take three trains on my hour journey to queens. The first two are full so I always stand. Always. Today I was standing uncomfortably close to an unusual man that didn't look particularly clean but he didn't look particularly dirty either. He was in front of me facing the door. I was behind him facing the back of his head. By facing the back of his head I mean my face was maybe a half a foot away from the reflection gleaming back at me from his sweaty noggin. I would have preferred at least a two foot buffer but sometimes you have to deal with it.

My eyes were glossed over and I was successfully ignoring everyone around me as I do every morning. Then something caught my eye. On the shoulder of the man just inches away was a very active bug. I'm not exactly sure what kind of bug. It was about the size of a lady bug but a tan color. I never see anything other than a cockroach around here so I was surprised. This little bug proceded to crawl along the shirt and up the man's collar. Then it brushed up on his gross neck and moved back on to the shirt. That damn thing ran all over the place. I could see it had wings so I was hoping it wouldn't decide to use them to visit me.

Here is an overview of some of the thoughts going through my head:

What in the hell is that? A pet?
How could that get on that guy's shirt?
Did he bring it on the subway with him?
Where did this guy come from?
What if it poops?
Should I kill it?
What would the guy do if I smacked him in the back of the neck and when he turned there was no bug to prove I was doing my civic duty?

I realize I could have just tapped the guy and let him know he was harvesting bugs in his shirt but I chose not to say a word and left it for the next passenger to deal with.

What would you have done?

Finally Friday

This morning as I walked to the subway I apparently didn't have my ipod volume high enough.

Random chick on cell: "So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn't know! I told him it's HIS JOB to know!"

Uh, no honey... that's your job.

I think my boyfriend's cat hates me. It makes me a little scared of her. I totally understand why of course. If I was used to sleeping with him in his room every night and suddenly some other chick showed up and I was kicked out into the hall I would be pissed. I would attack her face and bite the hell out of her if she came near me. Well, not really. I might do that to him. She is damn cute though. She looks like a little tiger and she is sort of retarded. Maybe if I stole her and took care of her she would like me more. That could always backfire and she would poke me in the eye while I'm sleeping. Do cat's seek revenge?

Have a good weekend kids.