Pimpin my Work Peeps

My office is so very loveless these days. I told my lonely co-workers I would help pimp them out via my blog. Luckily I've got something for everyone (except lesbians, sorry ladies). They agreed to let me post a profile of each of them in hopes of meeting new available people. They all say they are willing to travel to other cities, and countries for the right person/amount of money. Okay, in all honesty none of them are actually lonely but they are single. They are all very cool people and they agreed to let me write profiles about them.
So step right up and meet the people that get me through the work day:


StumpsAround:
Stumpy is a SWF from the South. The nickname Stumpy came from another co-worker who once opened a muffin and found mold inside the Stump. She has since dubbed our shorter work pal Stumps/Stumpy/StumpsAround, or anything else you can come up with. Her interests include buying expensive clothes, drinking beer then visiting white castle, spreading pink eye to cowboys, baking delicious cookies, dancing the robot, and hiding in duffel bags. She has a tendency to self sabotage her relationships by going for the wrong man every time. If you are Asian or look under age she will be all yours.



LargeDecafHazelnutCoffeeWithMilk:
The name is obviously the drink he orders every freakin' day at our 10:30 coffee run. For some reason the guy at the cafe can't remember all the specifics so he has to tell him every time. Ridiculous! LDHCM likes his coffee like he likes his men: Tall, light, and nutty but doesn't effect your nerves. That is only sort of true. You don't have to be light. LDHCM writes funny skits and plays and shit. He will probably write one for you if you ask real nice. He also draws random pictures all day. I think most of them are of himself which would imply that he is extremely narcissist. I wish he would start a blog because he has a sense of humor like no other. He is looking for a soulpal that will read the dictionary with him. His interests are dumplings, being a tetherball (see image), and carrots.


REX:
This is the catch of the day ladies. He has recently been made over by yours truly and the two listed above. (Seriously, new wardrobe, haircut, everything.) He is looking for a lady that will mess with his emotions and cause irreparable damage to his ego. He is easily lured with rice krispie treats, banana liquor, and needy cats. His secret desire is to be a famous white raper like Eminem or Vanilla Ice. His interests are improv, getting lots of attention, trapping people in his apartment, and condemning you to hell for smoking.
We do not take responsibility for the hat in this picture.

These are my peeps and I'm trying to hook them up so if you are looking or you know somone that is looking please feel free to make a bid and I'll except the payments via pay pal. I can have them delivered in six to eight days.

Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.

I didn't win the pot last night but we had a pretty good game. The trick to having a great poker night is finding cool people who take the game seriously but not too seriously. Enough to keep the game going but not so much that you can't laugh while you play. Lately I have been playing about twice a month with some friends. People weave in and out of games so it's never all the same group. We play Texas Hold'em with a fairly cheap buy in so you never lose too much but if you are the winner of the night you gain a decent bundle. Anyway, the game last night was amusing. My best hand was a straight flush. We played in a Harlem apt where I had some pizza and a few Dos Equis. It's the proper way to play. Back when I had a regular poker night with co-workers we played in this fancy-schmancy Upper East Side apartment. In accordance we would eat Thai and drink wine. They were good times. I really do enjoy the game and I have learned to play fairly well. It's all about luck and bullshit.
And now it's time for The Gambler

Etsy Love

Oh no! Pickled Tink got me addicted to shopping online. She has mentioned ETSY a few times on her blog and I fell in love with some of the odd things you can find. Yesterday I bought a "vintage" 80's dress.

Who knows what it will look like in person. It should be easy enough to alter if need be. This dress is not leather but I think it will go really well with leather. This makes me happy. Now I need some jewelry. Thanks Tink!

It's crappy outside. Why does it rain in February in New York? It's not supposed to work that way. Dammit. Last night I went to The Duplex with Doodle to watch Flora the Red Menace. It was surprisingly good. A decent cast told a story about communism and it didn't have the usual musical theater gleaming happy ending. Oops, I just ruined it for you. Oh well. Tonight I have a poker game. Hopefully I will win some cash to make up for my Etsy spending.
For more viewing pleasure please get acquainted with Albi the Racist Dragon...

Obsessions

Leather Obsession -
The smell. The feel. The overall kick ass look. I love leather. Every single coat I own is leather. My shoes and bags, wait, I think every purse I have is leather. I also have a thing for animal prints but that is probably just a faze. Leather is forever.

Looking like a hooker in central park.

Coffee Obsession-
I'm an addict. I drink it at work and then I go home to my fabulous Green Mountain Coffee one cup brewer that can get my fix to me in less than thirty seconds. I will drink it in any form but I prefer it black. Around this time last year I was drinking at least three large cups a day at work alone and now I have cut it down to one so I won't twitch as much. I'm very proud of my control.

Dean Martin Obsession-
If Dino was still alive today I wouldn't be blogging. I would be too busy stalking him. I've said it a million times before, he is the perfect male specimen. His voice makes me melt and watching him perform is such a turn on. I even think he was hot when he was close to death and looked like a green corpse. Honestly this obsession is so out of control I can't even continue writing about it.

Noise

If all the people of the world could agree on one perfect song that is the most wonderful song of all time what would it sound like? What would be the meaning? Would it even have one? Would there be words and a voice? There are so many options of sounds and stylings throughout time and space. Anything that creates sound can be considered an instrument and each person could play them in a different way so how would we choose? How could we ever possibly agree? Let me digress to religions, cultures, and governments. The world will never agree that any single one of them is perfect. Some will be more popular, more powerful, more effective than others but that doesn't mean it's the best for all people. I think maybe the best song is the one already playing. We can't hear it because we are all so busy making our part of the music. What would happen if we could step back and take in everything around us? Maybe we would all agree that together, without doing anything but live our lives, we have created it. The perfect song. Or maybe it would just be a loud horrendous, intolerable noise that we can only survive by exposing ourselves to small portions. Perspective I guess.

100 & 1 Year

One year ago today I began this blog. I don't remember exactly why or what I expected to happen but today on my 100th post I can say I'm very glad I started it. In an outlet like this you have the opportunity to learn about yourself and I think that I have. I have also become a blog addict over this past year but that's okay.

So 100 posts on my 1 year anniversary. How can you beat that kind of timing? I feel like I should attempt to make this special in some way. Frankly, I don't have it in me today. Creative juices are not flowing. They are just telling me to get some coffee. Yep, that's what I'm going to do.

Good News All Around

Last night I found out my boyfriend can cook. He made an amazing meal that had us so packed full of food we had to take a break and lie down. It was that good. I went over to his apartment to find that he had set up a table for two with a candle and everything. He rocked Valentine's day this year. It was full of leather gifting and Pulp Fiction. Sweet. I'm one lucky chick.

I found out my cousin proposed to his girlfriend yesterday. After hearing about her for a long time I finally met her last Christmas and I thought she was great. I'm glad she will be family.
A cousin from the other side of the family found out his wife is pregnant again. That's one hell of a Valentine's gift. Look honey, I made you a baby! I'm very happy for them.

I'm going to the Bahamas in June! That means I only have three months to shop for bikinis. Too bad you can't get leather wet.