Random Things

I'm addicted to Ovaltine.

I'm pretty confident in my self diagnosis of GAD.

I've recently realized how often close friends tell me things they don't share with other people. That makes me feel amazing.

I wish I had writing abilities but I've always sucked at that sort of thing.

I'm aware that I ramble but I don't know how to stop.

Caffe Torino is a very sexy entirely gay restaurant with amazing Italian food and back patio seating.

My spell check wants Ovaltine to say ovulating. Is this a message?

I should visit a voice teacher. Singing makes me happy. Happier than an Ovaltine high.

I heart you people.

Finding Music

I went to the performing arts library Saturday. I was hoping to find sheet music for Apres Moi and Take Five. Perhaps even Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps. No such luck. I found a crappy learn to play piano version of the first. I found the version I already own of the second and the third was in Spanish. This trip was very unsuccessful. I have to assume that if I can't find the music then it is the universe's way of telling me not to perform it. If I ever find Love on the Rocks though, I'm recording it in a heartbeat.

After accomplishing nothing at the library I headed downtown to get a tattoo. I now have my initials branded into my ankle. All is right with the world.

Atlantic City Inspires. Who Knew?

I just got back from a quick trip to Atlantic City. It was fantastic and just what I needed right about now. The drive alone was pretty entertaining. It was just me, my friend BVA and his father. The other person bailed on us. Turns out BVA's dad is pretty cool so we had a good time listening to music and shootin the shit. They are both musicians and so we listened to jazz the entire time we were in the car. BVA recently recorded a new CD so we had the pleasure of a preview before the release. As you can tell, I was in heaven. Then we got to the casino. We stayed at Showboat which contains the House of Blues. Our room was comped because dad (Don) really knows how to work the gambling system in AC. We didn't pay for rooms, most drinks, food, and other random things. At one point they decided that we should hit the craps table. Well, I don't know how to play so Don says he will buy me in and they will teach me as we go. Great, I love learning this stuff. Crap, Craps is a fast moving game! Following their lead I finally caught on and we all made a decent amount of money. Thanks guys! Today we spent part of our winnings outlet mall shopping. I don't think I have ever in my life gone shopping with two straight men before. Wahoo new shoes! I also discovered Don's interest in shock humor which was great fun. In the end it was a pretty amazing time. I heart Atlantic City. Tomorrow I'm getting myself to the library for sheet music. If all goes well I'll also get a tattoo in the evening. Tomorrow will be good but brunch on Sunday will be amazing. I can hardly contain my excitment!

Reprimanding Myself

I've been pretending for a ridiculously long time that I am going to do a cabaret. The thing is, I have no idea why I'm not just doing it. I know what songs I want to use. I have the basic outline and idea of the show. I have the music for all but three pieces that I am considering. What in the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I just hire someone to play and get to it?
I guess I can't get it out of my head that if I fail at what I love I have nothing left to live for. That's scary. What's even more terrifying is that I can trick myself into believing that crap and therefore never even try. Anyone know a pianist?

Copy Cat

Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Your push to succeed may begin to soften, even as you receive a boost of energy today. You are less concerned now with doing your job, yet more interested about the distant future. Maybe it's time to reconnect with old friends so you can share your hopes and dreams with them as you reevaluate your life's direction.

What the crap does that mean?

These always confuse me because I don't know if they are talking about my career that I have or the career that I want to have. I do have a boost of energy but my head is still all cloudy and confused so it's hard to get my shit together. I suppose I am more interested in the distant future since I have no idea what I want to do in it. I certainly do not want to connect with old friends because I feel that I am no longer connected to them for a reason. I like the new people in my life better. I want to connect with the new friends and continue connecting with current friends. Lets all get together and brainstorm. I need to reevaluate. Hey didn't I write about my life's direction in my last post? *Twilight zone theme plays here.*

Still Alive

In the early hours of Tuesday morning as I was drifting in and out of sleep I suddenly thought it was the end for me. I woke just enough to roll on to my left side when suddenly my whole body collapsed into the bed. I felt like I was cramping up all over in every muscle and every joint. I tried to look at the clock but I couldn't move my head. I couldn't move anything. This is when panic set in. I tried to call out to my roommate for help but I couldn't get my mouth to move. I couldn't do anything at all but lie there in excruciating pain. It occurred to me that I might die in that very spot and nobody would find me for days. I was praying that the pain would soon end and that I would make it through when I noticed that my arm was shaking. Was I having a seizure? A heart attack? What was happening? Finally the pain started to ease and I could think a little more clearly. I'm alive. I know I'm alive and I'm so unbelievably tired. Then I passed out.
Next morning at the ER I get an IV and CatScan. The Neurologist does some basic testing to make sure I don't have any damage. Diagnosis: Seizure. Could have been caused by any number of things but they don't want to treat me unless it happens again. I'm set up for more tests and referred to another neurologist for more review. Off I go back into the world with no changes made. Now I can't sleep at night because I'm afraid I will choke to death on my own tongue.
I can't help but feel like this is all supposed to mean something. What though? Am I not going in the right direction? Is the direction right but my vehicle all wrong? I really hope I get this figured out soon because I want to stick around for awhile.

Recording, the Creation

In my last post I mentioned the quality of records in the early 1900's. This got me interested in the subject and I found some useful info HERE. Sounds like it took us an unusually long time to invent something rather obvious. How far this industry has come!

Death and Such

Found a fantastic webpage today while studying up on Ma Rainey. This site lets you listen to clips of her music which, to be honest, is a little rough. After all, it was the very beginning of recorded music. They still had some bumps to work out with sound quality, ya know? The site also tells a little about her life including how she died which was of a heart attack. I thought I should throw that in since it is such a theme of mine. In my last post I neglected to mention how Johnny Hartman died. Unfortunately I have not figured that out yet. All I know is that his music became much more popular when he did. Hmm... that sounds terrible. And now for a random quote.
"Music makes me feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays." - Oscar Wilde