Things.

It’s my birthday week. I will turn 28 on Thursday.

I spent Memorial Day weekend roller skating and cleaning my apartment.

I spent $50 at CVS on cleaning supplies. That’s how gross my apartment was.

This weekend I was told, “I think you are an idiot for not wanting to be with me.” Twice.

I bought a ticket to a Turkish bath this morning.

I’m feeling incredibly melancholy and I’m not sure if it’s the guilt of the ex or the birthday blues.

Hopefully my annual party in the park this Saturday will be as awesome as prior years.

Okay, that isn’t my party. That is an anti-war sit in. It’s in the same location though.

My day job got weird. Last week I found myself folding the underwear of a 15 year old girl.

Today I work on getting quotes for a woodworking project.

I dyed my eyelashes yesterday. I’ve never done that before and I probably risked blinding myself.

I’m always surrounded by people and yet I feel lonely.

The first waxing of the season is seriously painful.

I never did finish my tattoo design. I will though. Too bad I didn’t make the deadline.

Why can’t I find black flowers? I wanted to get myself a birthday flower but bodegas don’t carry my color.

I just got a craving for a cigar. If only I were a male advertising executive in the 1950’s. Then I would already be smoking one.

That is all.

TWENTY SIX

Happy Birthday to ME. Happy Birthday to ME. I somehow survived for 26 yea-rs. Happy Birthday to ME. Gee it feels good to spend the first moments of my birthday blogging. Yes, that is a lie. I don't know why in the hell I'm even home right now. I should have gone to Brooklyn to watch an old friend's jazz trio play but for some reason I can't get myself out of my apartment tonight.

My birthday party was in Central Park Sunday. A lot of friends came out and we had a good time prancing about the park for a few hours. It was lovely weather until that random set of clouds rolled in and rained for fifteen minutes. That was odd. Then it went right back to being beautiful. My favorite picture of the day is from my sad attempt to do a hand stand. Awesomeness.

We rocked it on out we did.

My dad sent me an e-card for my birthday. He is the best.



Ha ha ha. I guess he would know. He was there.

Demons and Parties

The Demon stopped in to say hello Sunday morning. I have no idea what time it was but I sat up in bed and started saying something along the lines of "Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God!" before the seizure hit and I fell off my bed to the floor. I don't remember a whole lot about this one. When I woke up I felt very panicked and I had to ask Sky (that would be the new boyfriend) if something happened. Then I cried. I was really thankful I wasn't alone this time. It's so much easier. For some reason I didn't feel all that horrible yesterday but holy crap today is painful. Every muscle seems to be pissed off at me. It's the sort of pain that any position you are in for more than five minutes makes you wish you had heavy duty drugs. Maybe it is always that way and I just don't remember because it's been six months since the last experience.

Let's switch to an upbeat subject shall we? A week from today (JUNE 2nd) I will be turning 26. I'm planning to have my party on Sunday in Central Park so hopefully it doesn't rain. It will be really nice to get all my friends together and enjoy the company. I fell like I don't see any of them nearly enough. Hey, want to come help me celebrate? I would love to see you too.

It's time to go back to bed now.

Have I mentioned I have a sibling?

Yesterday my brother turned 24. He is 16 months my junior. Since I was a June baby that put him two grades behind me in school but even so, I never really thought of him as younger than me. Not that I remember anyway. My family will tell you I used to boss him around and make him sit down so I could tie his shoes. They also tell a story about a slightly bigger kid pushing me around and my toddler brother running up and tackling him.

We were never much of an affectionate family but for fun my brother and I would wrestle during commercial breaks. It wasn’t as much play as actual pain. This was fun in the few years that I was bigger than him but that passed quickly and I was begging for mercy most of the time.
Other than sarcasm we did not have similar interests. He was spending his summers in baseball tournaments while I was performing Oklahoma or (insert hokey old time musical) at the closest community theater. We didn’t like the others friends. Actually, I usually didn’t much like my friends so I really can’t blame him. He was far more laid back than I was.

I drove him to school until he got his license. One time after school I didn’t stop at the end of an alleyway and my sports car was totaled on the passenger side by a van. My brother was pulling glass out of his head for days. I could have killed him. I still feel horrible about it.

When I graduated I moved to New York and he made a trip at least once a year to visit. Not so much me as the city. When he graduated he went to college in Wisconsin. It’s really f’ing cold there. Now he is an engineer and working in Chicago. He has always been a lot smarter than me. There was no chance in hell I was going to be an engineer when I had trouble with Algebra. It appeared he never had trouble with anything. What the hell?

Anyway, I don’t see a whole lot of my brother because we are busy people and don’t live very close but we have a good relationship even if we don’t bother talking for six months. I forgot to call him yesterday to wish him a happy birthday. I should probably do that now. Or just forward this link.

Happy Birthday Bro!

Shows and Whatnot

This month is kicking off fast. I had a busy weekend of Celebrating Jason's B-day after his Parodivas show Thursday night and Karaoke for his birthday Friday night (they kept trying to find our hidden liquor but they failed!). Saturday night I cooked a tasty lasagna with my lover boy Casey. We then ate the meal while watching Spinal Tap with his roommate Billy. Billy had never seen the movie. If you have never seen Spinal Tap you are really missing out so make sure you put it at the top of your to do list. Then on Sunday I went to Jason's B-day brunch. Unlimited drinks with Mexican food is the proper way to celebrate a birthday.

The show the Parodivas performed in on Thursday night was On The Rocks with Danny Leary. He did a little raffle and Jason's boytoy friend won two tickets to Iridium Jazz Club. He gave them to me!!! Well, after the Parodivas told him to. So Parodiva Darla went with me to the 10pm show on Monday night to see LES PAUL perform. It was amazing! I had a huge smile through the whole show and I even developed a little crush on Les. If you don't know anything about him, here is a little blurb taken from the Iridium website.

"Les Paul , Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, five-time Grammy Award winner, pioneer of the electric guitar and inventor of numerous recording tech-niques, such as reverb and multi-track recording was born June 9, 1915 in Waukesha Wisconsin."

That's right. I spent Monday night watching a hell of a show performed by a 93 year old man in a turtleneck. He flirted with his hot young bass player and jammed with a couple surprise guests. It was fantastic. If you get the chance to see this man I recommend you take it.

Yesterday I read what was possibly the best blog post ever written. Matt-Man at Bagwine Ruminations proposed to the lovely Schmoop via blog and we all waited anxiously in the comments for her to go on lunch break at work and respond. Luckily for Matt-Man she said yes (even if it ruins her credit score.) Congratulations Bagwine Lovers!

Tonight I'm going to some sort of 80's wrestling party. I have no idea what that means but at least I will have a story for later.

Are you busy on Halloween? You should come hear me sing at Don't Tell Mama 9pm Halloween night. The Parodivas are hosting a show and asked me to perform. It will be an amazing time, I promise you.

Go ahead, write it into your datebook. ;)

Everyone was born in July!

I already gave a card to Dana. I mentioned my grandma Blanche's b-day in my last post. I have a few more congrats to give. Happy Birthday to my other grandma who celebrated on the 12th. My blog sis Ne was born July 10th. Farmer*sWife celebrated by having a day out with her daughter yesterday. My real life friend Darla celebrates today! (We will really celebrate with her this weekend!) Finally, my fantastic mother celebrates this Friday. I have to think of some clever way to scare her and pay her back for that boob picture text. Any ideas?
If I missed anyone I'm sorry. You can bitch about it in the comments. (Note: I apparently only know females born in July. Hmmm.)



Speaking of birth, I heard the Bush administration wants to make it harder to get birth control. Crazy bastards. Don't they realize most people should NOT be breeding? Take, for instance, the Bush family. Nah, I'm not going to get political.
I don't want people messing with my anti-baby meds damnit!

The BIG 25

This is my last post for the next few days. Tonight is another dinner with Casey's Fam. Then Saturday is DURAN DURAN.

Sunday is my b-day party in the park as long as Jebus doesn't pee on us that day. Interestingly enough, there are times where NYC rain is yellow and sticky just like some large giant in the sky was urinating. What a gross thought.

If it's nice I'll post pictures of the party.

Monday is my real birthday and I'm not coming to work.
Happy Birthday To ME Happy Birthday TO ME!!

I don't like cake but feel free to celebrate with flowers and liquor.



Quarter Life Crisis Time!!!!

A few things on my mind.

*I need to go to the gym tonight. Why can't the gym be conveniently located in my building? I hate having to change clothes just for the trip to and from a place only eight blocks away.

*I only have one tanning session left. I bought four in the hopes that I would get a little bit of color to start me off and then the sun would be out on weekends. Then I wouldn't have to worry so much about burning when I go to the Bahamas. Three sessions in I've noticed it hasn't helped much and still the sun refuses to make a worthwhile appearance on the weekends.

* I'm going to the Bahamas in three weeks! I hope it doesn't rain the whole time. I'm such an optimist aren't I? Mmmm, beach, island fun, and Casey. I can't wait.

* In a little over a week I'm meeting Casey's entire family for the first time. I'm scared and excited. I'm cool right? They'll like me. Won't they? In all honesty I'm mostly excited. For any newer readers that haven't figured it out yet, I'm dating Casey. Casey is a he not a she.

* That Rock Band post went over surprisingly well. I figured I have a lot more people defending it. I still maintain that it is evil. Is "still maintain" redundant? I think it is.

* Two people quit today at work. I'm jealous.

*I need to buy a bathing suite for previously mentioned Bahamas trip. This has proven to be an obnoxious venture. First of all, you need to try bathing suites on to make sure you don't look odd. I don't want to try them on because I don't know who put it on before me and if they read the little sticker in the crotch that reminds you to keep your underwear on for sanitary purposes. Also, it's kind of a smack to your ego when you realize, hmm, that didn't look like that last year. Or did it?

*I sent out my birthday e-vite yesterday. It will be the usual day of drinking and prancing about the park or prancing about a bar if it rains.

This is the picture I used on the invitation. I call this "Body Surfing."

Want to come?

In Moderation

Heyo.

The ever so adorable Single of Single in the City was kind enough to give me an award yesterday. So I want to thank her for being awesome.



I'm not really sure what that is a picture of but I choose to believe it is a bar at the beach. That is what it looks like anyway and can you imagine anything more delightful than having a drink at the beach? I can't.

On that note I should mention, I'm not an alcoholic. I know in reading many of my blog posts you might think otherwise but I've calmed down a lot in my old age. I'm almost 25 after all.

Speaking of turning 25, I'm searching for ideas for my birthday party this year. It's on a Monday in June and I'm thinking I will do a Sunday night outing at the diviest dive bar I can find in Manhattan. I know plenty but I'm open to new ideas. I'm also looking forward to the trial runs I have to do before inviting everyone. You meet the coolest freaks at cockroach infested pubs. Anybody have any ideas? Last year I invited everybody to drink boxed wine in Central Park. I enjoy having all my friends around in a low key atmosphere where it doesn't cost us a shit load and we can sing/scream if we want to.
This place looks perfect!

Bruises, Paint, & Passports

Hey all. It's been awhile. I'll just do an update to start. Friday night I went to a birthday party at Mason Dixon where you can order beer by the bucket and ride a mechanical bull. Oh yeah, I rode that bull. I was going to post a picture but none of them look exciting. I lucked out because my only injuries are a small bruise the size of the tip of my finger on the inside of each thigh. Some people told me they have bruising all down their thighs. I did not ask to see.

After Saturday morning brunch with Casey I had a strong desire to spend time at the hardware store. Since it was pouring out I figured it was a good day to stay in the apartment and paint all the wood doors black. I picked up my supplies and spent the rest of the day priming and painting to my hearts content. The black glossy paint I used dried perfectly with a sheen that makes it look like I covered the doors in leather. Perfect! When I was done I laid back and enjoyed the fumes.

Sunday night I had a birthday party to attend at Beauty Bar. It's an interesting place where the walls are lined with old fashioned hairdryers. On Wednesdays you can get a free manicure when you purchase a martini. I find that sort of gross. The party turned into more of a photo shoot but we had a great time. I also considered posting a photo of this but I have a feeling my friends won't appreciate me posting photos of them on a public blog.

I called out of work on Monday due to feeling crappy and spent the entire day in bed. I could have used yesterday to accomplish so much more... but no.

Over the weekend I also received my passport. I keep staring at it and thinking I could just leave right now. I can get in a cab to JFK, charge a flight to a credit card and go wherever the hell I want. If only I didn't have to do things like, go to work and maintain a job so I can pay rent. I would also need to pay off that credit card. Is it worth it? I don't know.

Peep Show!

I just realized it's almost that time of year where children play with eggs and dye, eat shit loads of chocolate, and get easily distracted playing in the yard looking for things for hours. Since moving to New York I had never celebrated this holiday but last year we had a grand time. A lovely lady with the last name Eyster held Eyster Brunch. We all showed up and drank a lot per usual. William brought us eggs with scary pictures and lotto tickets inside. Someone brought a bodega baby Jesus candle so we lit it at the table for brunch and every bar we hit after. At some point we lost him in a gay bar with a stripper. Then we all stumbled back to our homes and tried to drink enough water to go to work the next day. It's a lot like St. Patrick's day come to think of it. *sigh* I miss those good old brunches we used to have. What happened to us? Did we all get too old? Did our livers give up? It's been a long time since I've woken up on Doodle's futon at 6am Monday morning realizing I have to go to work soon.

Real late posting....

Grandma sent my birthday horoscope as she does every year. It just came in the mail with a copy of the clairvoyant Sylvia Brown's latest book. Grandma is crazy.

Here is what the clipping reads (with my notes).

Holiday Mathis'
Horoscopes
Saturday, June 2, 2007
The Cosmic elixir includes a drop of seriousness, compliments of the Capricorn moon, in the Gemini sun's bubbly champagne cocktail. (mmmm bubbly...) When your festivities are interrupted by a somber idea or weighty responsibility, reflection or duty (babysitting?)- but don't stay mired there. There's too much to celebrate. (And celebrate we did.)
Today's Birthday (June 2):
This year presents a panoply (I had to look this word up. It's real.) of unknowns and unknowables. (Gee. How informative of you Horoscope) Don't be afraid if you haven't a clue what to do next. Take comfort in the fact that no one else knows, either, and then step into this brave world. (Uh huh.... why am I still reading?) There's a financial bonus this month. (Oh yeah, that's why.) New relationships entice you in July. (Huh???) Libra and Taurus people are reliable and interesting companions. (I know. I have my Libra!) Your lucky numbers are: 5 27 22 1 and 45. (Great. Thanks.)
Gemini (May 21-June 21): It's possible to turn your character flaws into character assets. But first you have to want to, and today you're just not in the mood. Anyway, if they love you, they'll take you "as is", right? (So spending the day drunk off my ass would probably be a character flaw... uh... ooops? Thanks for sticking around guys!)

My cup runneth over.

Maybe not everything is perfect but good things are certainly happening. I moved into my UWS studio and began my life of living alone. I love it. It's my own private space for me to be me in. It's a very slow process of getting everything sorted out and put away exactly how I want it. Thankfully I had some birthday fairies help me start the process!

Negative note. Work is rough. I'm slipping and confused and having a hard time getting my act together. I'm not sure what to do to get back on track.

Positive note. My birthday was a blast! I'm so thankful to the people that showed up to celebrate with me. The weather held up and it was a really beautiful day. I know I have some very questionable friends but we can blame that on my youth. I also have some unbelievably amazing friends that I'm so proud to claim.

Sometimes I catch my head spinning in imagination thinking I'm Mary Martin at the end of the song "A Wonderful Guy". I really hate that song, however, that is sort of a good thing.

I should get back to work.

Thank you Jebus!

Things are starting to work out. I just signed the lease for my new apartment on 88th and Broadway. That's right, civilization once again!
I'm just a few feet from all night liquor serving establishments. I have a night doorman, laundry in building, and... get this... AN ELEVATOR!!!! Oh my, I'm getting the vapors. I have to take a break.
***************************************
I'm so thrilled that I will finally be fulfilling my life long dream of having my own place. Sure, I've lived away from home since I was 18 but financially New York is real hard to do without a roommate. This is unbelievable to me. It's a good reminder for myself that even though I often feel like I'm not accomplishing my goals, in round about ways maybe I actually am.

It's going to rain on my birthday. The online weather forecast that I am angrily staring at predicts showers with 60% precipitation. Looks like once again June 2 will be spent at the bar. If it doesn't rain on Sunday I'll try to postpone the party a day. I have so much boxed wine for the park and I'm not supposed to drink while on my seizure drugs. If it rains you will all have to come to my new place and drink it for me. (I'll have a little.)

Not in my thirties yet.

My neighbors can hear me singing. I had no idea it was that loud until one day when I was warming up in the shower one of them rang the bell and said "was that you?". So I won't be singing so much around the apartment.

I already knew the guy. He records, mixes, and produces out of his apartment. Seems he has been rather successful. Here is an article about him.

Anyway, he apparently likes my voice because he asked me to record for one of his tracks. I didn't take him seriously but after about a month of talking about it we actually got together to listen to his music yesterday. Will and his wife are cool people. I enjoyed chatting with them. I'm not really a hip hop fan but it was an interesting experience anyway. They don't really drink but we had a glass of champagne left over from his birthday which was yesterday. He turned 37 which is much older than I would have though. Then he made a stab at my age.... 29! Believe it or not, I take that as a complement. I want people to think I'm older than I am. I feel much older than I am.

Speaking of how old I am... My birthday is only a month away! I really hope it doesn't rain this year. I would love to have a big outing in the park but my evil birth date seems to think it must rain on that day every single year.

But why worry about it now? Time to throw on my roller skates and enjoy the nice days when we have them.