When The Creative Juices Are Dry, Take a Quiz.

I didn't know what to come up with today so I went and found some quiz somewhere and filled it out. I think it was supposed to be a quiz about the soul but it really isn't. This is what happens when you hit the blog wall.

1. If you could take more control of one aspect of your life, what would it be? My career path seems to have gotten out of my control and I don't know how to back peddle at this point.

2. If you were to state the difference between the male soul and the female soul, what would it be? I'm not sure there is one. People put way to much importance on gender roles and it's completely unnecessary. You just are what you are.

3. If you had to give control of your destiny to any one person, who would get it? I would give that control to my mother because I think she understands what I would do and she would think of what I would want rather than what she would choose. I would trust her with that.

4. If after you die your spirit could protect anyone in the world, who would you pick? I guess I would pick my brother. My spirit could protect him in bar fights. What? There aren't any babies in my immediate family.

5. If you were to name the most comforting thing for you to hold in your hands, what would it be? Myself. I hold myself and everything is okay. Alright, I'm kidding. I can't really think of an object that comforts me. Casey comforts me. Casey it is.

6. If you were to leave instructions for what music would be played at your funeral or wake, what would it be? I remember writing my will once. I'm pretty sure I wrote in the instructions "I don't care what song you play but it better not be me singing it. That would be creepy." Obviously this wasn't a legal copy. I would like them to play The Best of Julie London. Is that odd? Her music was a little sexual.

7. If you could learn one thing (but only one thing) about your own death right now, what would you want it to be? Will anyone benefit from my organs? I'm going to donate them regardless but wouldn't it be cool to know they were going to help someone for sure?

8. If you made a very big mistake of some kind, who, of the people you know, would you first confess it to? Depends what it was. Probably A. (One of my closest friends and roommate for four years.) I tend to tell her those sorts of things a lot.

9. If you were to describe your attitude toward sin, what would you say? I would say people need to really think about that word and decide for themselves why they believe certain things are sins. Because someone told them so or because morally it is unfair and hurts others? I won't elaborate on this here.

10. If you could ask a psychic one question, knowing you would get a true answer, what would you ask? Am I on the right path? If they say no then you might as well pack up and get on a new one, right?

11. If there was one primary law or principle you lived by, what would you say it was? Crap. I don't have one. Today I'm feeling like "Live and Let Live" is the law I would like to live by but it's so hard sometimes.

12. If you had to name the best thing about getting older, what would you say it is? Everything you learn along the way. That was easy. Wouldn't it be unfortunate to grow older and never discover anything new?

13. If you were to select a person whose persona does not fit their body type, who would it be? I don't like this questions. It's about pre judgment based on looks and I don't know how to answer properly.

14. If you were to name three people throughout your life that helped to complete you as a person, who would they be? My grandmother Blanche who I'm still very close to. My mother and my father who still live in the same house surprisingly enough. The person I am is definitely a blend of those people and the way they raised me.

15. If you were to say there is a person who truly practices what they preach, who would it be? Uh, Ghandi? Man this is a tough one. I, in general, don't fully believe anything anyone says. I think the problem is that people keep preaching. There is no need for that.

16. If you were to name the most comforting place to be touched by another's hands, where would it be? I usually don't like people touching me unless I am very emotionally close to them. At that point everything is comfortable. If it is anyone else I suppose my back. It leaves a disconnect that keeps a certain comfort level.

17. If you were to name the one thing you have the most compassion for, what would it be? People with a terminal illness. How could you not have compassion for that? It's permanent and frightening and they have to live knowing what will happen. I can't even imagine what they go through.

18. If you had to admit the most selfish thing you do on a regular basis, what would you say? Blog. I don't think that is a surprise to anyone. It's not like I take a strong stance on big issues or do any public service on my blog. It's pretty damn selfish.

19. If you were to design a room for contemplation, what would it look like, and what would be in it? A few chaise lounges. A big leather couch. Giant pillows. Plain walls. Nothing distracting just comfortable. It would be well lit. Perfect temperature at all times. Ooh a hammock would be nice! There would be paper and black felt tip pens for note taking. A tape recorder. That's just off the top of my head.

20. If you had to pick one dream you've had that came closest to coming true, which was it? So far a few of my dreams have come true. I moved to New York over six years ago. That was my biggest dream from my youth and I'm still thankful every day I live here that it came true.

Dork Spork and Etsy Fun

Tink made awards for the dorks that went ahead and used her April Fool's joke for part of the WWC. I couldn't help doing it. Monkeyshine is such a great word! Plus, I've wanted to decorate that ugly painting in the hall ever since I moved in. So thanks Tink for my Dork Spork!


Tink is also the one that tricked me into becoming an Etsy addict. Here is my latest purchase.




I also found these odd tidbits:

Sharing floss with the ones you love.

Oww! My Eyes!

Kidney Needs A Wax

Boy George

Children That Haunt Me

WWC Tuesday

I'm in a rush today but I wanted to hurry up and post my WWC hosted by Tink over at Pickled Beef. This weeks words were Rough, Smooth, Monkeyshine, and something else like monkeyshine that I don't remember. Here we go:

This is my rough face wash exfoliant that makes my skin lovely and smooth.

After exfoliating you apply this lotion. See, smooth skin!

This here is some art work located in the hallway of my building. I thought she would look better with a little facial hair so I made her this stash. I think my neighbors will enjoy her more now.

That's it. I'm off to catch some live music.

*Warning* Emotional Post

It was a year ago in March when I had my first seizure and in May I had my last seizure. You would think I would be over it, right? Well, obviously I'm not. It has become difficult for me to talk about this issue in particular because it still makes me emotional and I am embarrassed that I can't get past something so simple from so long ago because it really wasn't that big of a deal. I have somehow turned it into one.

A little background on what happened. I had a seizure alone in my room at night in March. I had no idea what happened. In the morning I went to the emergency room. They did some tests, said I had a seizure, and sent me home. I met a neurologist who did more tests, said he thought I was fine, and sent me home. In May I had another seizure at Casey's apartment, also in bed. He called an ambulance and I went to the ER. They put me on meds to keep me from having any more seizures. I will continue taking them twice a day for at least 3 years.

Now I should be fine. I take my medication and it has been almost a full year. Unfortunately I'm not. At first the meds were making me feel really weird and that made me paranoid. I didn't like that walking in a bubble feeling. The doctor said wait it out. It took awhile but I did adjust. The meds were nothing compared to my fear of falling asleep. For some reason I associate the feeling of falling asleep or just sleeping in general with the pain of having a seizure. Over the past year I have had countless nights of intense anxiety and panic. There has been a lot of sobbing and an irrational fear of dying. This usually happens when I'm trying to go to sleep.

I started to see a Neurological psychiatrist for a short while. This was when I wasn't having the bad nights as frequently but the anxiety wasn't gone. Talking to her made me mad and only seemed to make my nightly panic worse. She did give me sedatives that I tried not to take but on a couple occasions were a huge help. Every time I saw her I was upset all over again. I stopped going. I also couldn't really afford it because my insurance barely covered anything. I thought I was strong enough to get through it on my own.

For awhile there I was absolutely fine. I always take the meds. I'm able to sleep. I'm not disoriented at work. I'm no longer causing problems in my own life. Then out of nowhere it came back last night. I have no idea what happened or what could have triggered it. I have not been thinking about it, talking about it, or doing anything I think might cause it. Both Saturday and Sunday were very laid back days. Didn't do a whole lot. Ate normal foods. No drinking. For some reason when I tried falling asleep last night I started freaking out. I know when it is happening that it doesn't make sense. I know I'm being irrational. I can't help it. My heart wouldn't slow down. It was beating too fast and no matter what I did as far as breathing or focusing on meditating, it didn't work. I started to hyperventilate. For hours I repeated to myself "You're okay, you're not going to die." I felt like my brain was spinning in circles in my head. I caught myself holding my breath and clenching my jaw. I tried taking a sedative. Nothing was working and the last time I remember checking the clock was 5am. I must have finally fallen asleep.

I know I sound crazy. I know this makes people think I'm a hypochondriac. I just don't know if anyone understands how terrifying it is. It sounds like such a silly thing and yet it is tormenting me. I am doing this to myself and I can't stop. What can I do at this point? I guess keep living and keep hoping it goes away.

Like I said before, it is difficult to talk about this sort of thing. I find it very embarrassing and it makes me feel like a weak person with no self control. I don't want to talk to anyone in person about it anymore so I turn to my blog to get some things out in the open. Hope I didn't scare anyone away from reading in the future. I'll go back to the usual style of Knight Ramblings tomorrow.

Introducing Al

Today my blogging mentor (she hasn't exactly agreed to the mentoring) Tink of Pickled Beef awarded me with this:

Thanks Tink! It's an honor coming from you, the coolest chick in blogland.

Today I messed with my blog layout a tiny bit. I changed the top banner text and it almost looks the same but I almost made a huge jump to this:



Then I decided it looked a little too crime drama or night court. Very misleading. My co-worker suggested I include a hampster in a parachute falling in the skyline. I don't really understand that one yet but kudos to him for being creative. I also changed up my profile pic to what I call "escaping from the asylum". Casey says I look crazy in the photo so he always harasses me about it. The crazy is exactly why I like it! You all already know I'm crazy if you have read even one blog entry. I have nothing to hide here.

Speaking of crazy, I would like to introduce you to my roommate Al.

Al and I are good friends. I met him at Ikea and we hit it off. I agreed to look out for him as long as he didn't mind me singing and talking at him quite a bit. So far he has proved to be an excellent apartment mate. By that I mean, he has not died on me. I am very proud it's working out.

Today at work I took a few photos of the view from our office.

It's a nice view but it's sad to sit in Queens all day and stare at the place you want to be. The place where all the action is. *Sigh* I'm in love with this city.

Just Peachy

Today the ever so creative and hilarious Doc over at You Just Keep On Believing That awarded me with his highly coveted Peach.



Mentioning orgies with gnomes will get you everywhere in life. If you find that last statement confusing you will just have to go on over and check out the blog. I was awarded as this week's Tuesday Word Game Winner. Go get in on the fun.
Thanks Doc!


In other news, I don't know this woman but her videos make me happy:



What the hell was that?

April Fools! WWC3

I'm not going to try to blog prank anyone today. I thought about it. I had some ideas but they might have been scary. So that was a no go. I'm a fan of a good joke but it's so easy for them to go horribly wrong. So no pranking from me today.

Earlier today I got a shocking text from my boyfriend. He spent twenty minutes giving CPR to a man on the train this morning while waiting for the paramedics to come. The guy was probably dead. Casey is a nursing student right now and was on his way to class. He and one other woman stayed with this guy and performed CPR until someone came. I really admire the hell out of him.

Today is Weekly Words Challenge hosted by Tink of Pickled Beef. This weeks words were Shiny and Era. I will admit I didn't try very hard this time but at least I played. This is a shiny platinum curl.
It is on a wig from another era. See the Marilyn Monroe style below.

These pictures are a little darker than they should be but you can click to see the enlarged version.

Here we have Jazz and Blues music covering the last century. See how nice the look in the shiny cases?

Toodles friends and freaks. Have a lovely harass others day!