A Top Five

We all have a list, or at least we have thought about it, right? I thought I would attempt to make my list of living people that I think are incredibly beautiful beyond belief for whatever reason. I'm going to call it my Top Five list even though I really want to call it my Wish List.

I don't want to hurt Dean's feelings so I will just post a quick reminder before I begin that he is my number one dead or alive no matter what happens or who comes into existence.

Ahhh don't you just want to grab those hands and wrap them around you? Okay, now let's begin.

1) Tyson Beckford

2) Robert Redford

3) Steven Tyler

4) Angelina Jolie

5) Hey, what do you know? The number five position is still open. Maybe I should do a vote? I'll give you my list of honorable mentions and you all can help me decide.

Honorable Mentions:

Jon Stewart

Susan Sarandon

Robert Downey Jr.

Cynical Bastard Jay

Cate Blanchett

Pet Names: A Rant

Don't call me Honey Bear. Don't call me Cutie or Lovey or Dovey or Sweetie. It drives me completely insane! Maybe you think I'm kidding or maybe you think I'm putting up an act. I guarantee you I'm not. When you are trying to turn me on and you mention Baby Cakes I think of babies and that is no good. Any words that can be associated with children should not be associated with me. Binkie, Frou Frou, Pookie, Peachy Pie... Save these names for your offspring.

Now you might be wondering what is acceptable. Not just for me, of course, but for someone with my same distaste for this type of language. Well, it depends on the personality of course. I decided to look up a nick name generator for lovers. You enter your first and last name then it gives you a suggestion. Mine was "Wicked Hot". I think that is perfect. It makes me feel good about myself and I don't feel like a child. Any other name I put in brought up child like crap so GOOD LUCK! Other acceptable names would be along the lines of Beautiful, Charming, Tiger, Killer, you get the idea.

Now I don't mean to offend the people that are into this sort of thing because you certainly make up the majority. I just feel that it is important to let people know not everyone feels that way. Some people *ahem ME ahem* had enough of the cute crap when they were little. Maybe I'll get back into it when I'm starting to shrivel up again but until then, ADULT names only PLEASE!

The Lodge

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
But I don't know mine.

Do you know your neighbors? I live in a 15 story apartment building so you would think I would know at least one person living in the building. You would think. Unfortunately I only know the door men. Sure there are people I have spoken to and wave at but I don't know their names. I would never borrow a cup of sugar if I ever decided to bake something. The closest neighbors I know live ten blocks south. Which is probably about sixty thousand people away. The two of them happen to live in the same building so I am obligated to travel south where I meet them for after work beverages a couple days a week. Drinks are more fun than baking anyway.

We call ourselves "The Lodge". Every now and then someone will send me a text that says "Lodge meeting tonight." So I know that happy hour is on and no less then three of us will be imbibing 2 for 1 drinks at our favorite local spot. It's a shitty bar with dirty bathrooms, a hundred dirty bras hanging from the ceiling, and the awesome bartender Mike. I have a pretend crush on Mike because he plays Rat Pack music every time I'm there even though it probably pisses off the other clientele. That's all it takes to win me over.

My official Lodge title is Vice President of Marketing and Customer Relations. Which means nothing. Our president is The Vin Man who looks like he is in his early thirties but is actually forty five. He has played guitar and written music for some major stars as well as touring each year on one of those majorly popular after the reality TV show is over tours of the country. But it would be rude for me to share details. He has unusual taste in women and usually cat calls the ladies that walk by while standing out front smoking. He has lived in this neighborhood for years and knows all that weirdos that drop in like the guy in the suite with the pompadour hair who is always looking for weed and the little old mousy woman under five feet tall who only drinks white wine and coughs a lot.

Our VP is Frederick the funny man. He is in his thirties and assistant manages a huge building somewhere downtown where people with Nobel Prizes and such keep their offices. That is just his day job. He is an actor that has been in many national musical tours like Singing In The Rain. Frederick has been a friend of mine for years but for the first couple we were always so drunk when we got together we kept forgetting each other. That was back when brunching was an all day booze fest.

These are my neighbors and my friends. They are far stranger then I have mentioned here because nobody has that kind of time to write this stuff out. Then again, of course they are strange if they hang out with me! So do you know your neighbors? Why? How? Should I bother to meet someone in my building? It just seems so sad that if all my bottle openers broke I would have to take the elevator all the way downstairs and walk the ten feet to the deli to buy a new one. Or I could ask the doorman.

2:30 AM

It's time for another (or maybe it's the first) late night stream of conscious post.

This is coming at you after only one glass of Voignier (a white wine) which means I am sober even if this entire entry is confusing and pointless.

First of all I would like to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes and whatnot. I heart you all for your continued support even though I rarely post these days. Unemployment is such a bitch.

Speaking of the whole lack of job thing, I have some sort of meeting at 10:30am tomorrow but the letter I got in the mail saying I had to go or I would lose unemployment benefits didn't say what the meeting was for or about. Is it sad that my biggest concern is what to wear? I highly doubt the government is going to give me much help in finding a job. I do think I might be getting some idea of what I would like to that works with my skill set. That is the benefit of constantly job hunting as your day job. I'll stop talking about it before I get depressing.

I'm watching a Roseanne marathon on TV Land right now. It's so strange to me how much I like this show. I think it's because the way Roseanne talks (with constant sarcasm) reminds me of my mom. Honestly it reminds me a bit of myself as well. My mother was visiting me last week. I always enjoy when she is here. It's disturbing to say but either I'm rapidly turning into her or we are turning into each other. I think it's the latter.

There is some sort of note chain on Facebook that basically all my friends keep tagging me on. It's the first one I ever wanted to do myself but I decided I would rather put it here. Now hang on while I go look up the exact wording .....

Okay, here we go.

15 Books

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy the instructions into your own note, and be sure to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Of Human Bondage - W. Somerset Maugham
2. 1984 - George Orwell
3. Night - Elie Wiesel
4. Dry - Augusten Burroughs
5. Zorba The Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis
6. Without Feathers - Woody Allen
7. The Stand - Stephen King
8. Rat Pack Confidential - Shawn Levy
9. Where The Sidewalk Ends - Shel Silverstein
10. The Stranger - Albert Camus
11. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
12. The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
13. The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
14. Foundations of Psychopathology - John C. Nemiah, M.D.
15. Inferno - Dante Alighieri

I tried to be quick and pick a variety of books I know have affected me in some way and I know will always stay with me. At least parts of them. I do have a horrible memory after all. Right now I am reading "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand and I've only just bitten into the first hundred pages of seven hundred and something. I have a feeling it would be on this list if I had already finished it. Anyone want to recommend anything? I love recommendations.


I burned my hand with the iron today. It looks all shiny and cool. I don't think it will leave a scar. Damn. Off to New Jersey this weekend with the girls. I don't really have a group I call "the girls" so nobody in my life should know what that means. Hell, I could be talking about my boobs. But I'm not. A few of us were going to stay in a house by the beach but it won't stop raining so I guess it will be lots of bowling in another state. Whoo hoo. Toss me a beer.

TWENTY SIX

Happy Birthday to ME. Happy Birthday to ME. I somehow survived for 26 yea-rs. Happy Birthday to ME. Gee it feels good to spend the first moments of my birthday blogging. Yes, that is a lie. I don't know why in the hell I'm even home right now. I should have gone to Brooklyn to watch an old friend's jazz trio play but for some reason I can't get myself out of my apartment tonight.

My birthday party was in Central Park Sunday. A lot of friends came out and we had a good time prancing about the park for a few hours. It was lovely weather until that random set of clouds rolled in and rained for fifteen minutes. That was odd. Then it went right back to being beautiful. My favorite picture of the day is from my sad attempt to do a hand stand. Awesomeness.

We rocked it on out we did.

My dad sent me an e-card for my birthday. He is the best.



Ha ha ha. I guess he would know. He was there.

Demons and Parties

The Demon stopped in to say hello Sunday morning. I have no idea what time it was but I sat up in bed and started saying something along the lines of "Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God!" before the seizure hit and I fell off my bed to the floor. I don't remember a whole lot about this one. When I woke up I felt very panicked and I had to ask Sky (that would be the new boyfriend) if something happened. Then I cried. I was really thankful I wasn't alone this time. It's so much easier. For some reason I didn't feel all that horrible yesterday but holy crap today is painful. Every muscle seems to be pissed off at me. It's the sort of pain that any position you are in for more than five minutes makes you wish you had heavy duty drugs. Maybe it is always that way and I just don't remember because it's been six months since the last experience.

Let's switch to an upbeat subject shall we? A week from today (JUNE 2nd) I will be turning 26. I'm planning to have my party on Sunday in Central Park so hopefully it doesn't rain. It will be really nice to get all my friends together and enjoy the company. I fell like I don't see any of them nearly enough. Hey, want to come help me celebrate? I would love to see you too.

It's time to go back to bed now.

What can I say?

I've really missed you all. I miss having this outlet. I know some people read without commenting but I'm talking about the actual friends I have made through blogging. Sometimes I think you all know more about me than anyone else. So I'm sure you are wondering where I have been. The truth is, nowhere. I just can't find reason to write. You know what I mean. I know you do. We have all hit that wall at some point. For the record I am taking suggestions if you want to give me some.

Being unemployed is harder than I thought it would be. I don't feel the kind of stress I had at my last job anymore and I'm so thankful for that but even still I'm really scared. I feel like the choices I make now I have to live with for the rest of my life. I am terrified of going into another corporate job that makes me hate myself. I have not talked about the job hunt process with anyone in my life and I don't intend to. I'm noticing about myself that I tend to be a very private person but only in very obscure ways. I always thought I was more open than most but I must have been wrong. Oh well. We are always learning something new, right?

I guess I'm mostly dropping in to say hello and I am alive. I have not given up on blogging. I will be back. I have also been reading everybody's posts as much as possible but I don't comment much so I apologize for that. I'll try working on it.

Apologies all around.
Much Love.
- Knight